pearls of poo

Dear Alexa,
I think this advice is most excellent and will be sure to report any progress.
Much love,
Joy

Alexa Tang (currently in Beijing, China) wrote:
i'll just have you know that i made some excellent poo this morning. i think one of the best feelings in the world is when you make great poo, and a lot of it, and then lie back in bed for a wihle to enjoy your empty bowels. right now, i'm pretty sure joy is jealous. and this is why i wanted to share with her some pearls of wisdom on pooing.
pearl #1: watermelon is your friend. it's sweet, it's watery, it's fibery, and all of this makes it very poo friendly. we like this watermelon pooing friend.
pearl #2: too much starch is bad. i don't care how much "fiber" crap you're eating joy, it's just going to stop you up. you need vegetables. or watermelon. both is good too.
pearl #3: in the morning, when you feel that there is poo in your system, lie on your left side. i swear you will feel things start to churn for the better.
pearl #4: after lying on your left side for a while, drink some warm water. my theory is that this softens your poo.
pearl #5: if you are sitting on the toilet, and you still cannot make poo, massage your tummy! and remember what mommy told you the first time you went to china: "in with the nose, out with the butthole." remember, poo is already dead. you must win the fight. i hope that we all have healthier bowel movements from now on. my friend smitha tells me that her dad says that a person's happiness can be measured by if they've slept well, eaten well, and pooped well. let's be happy.
love,
alexa