my indirect way of saying ...

as of tomorrow, it will have been two years. it is done.
and i don't know what to say. it's momentous. it's also just another day at school, which will pass in that invisible, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary way in which days at school always pass. still, it seems like something should happen. a thunderstorm should rage in my classroom. the aurora borealis should occur. but it won't. i'd say that odds are tomorrow, my last day at Lee High School, will be pretty normal. In fact, I may even leave early.
oh well.
when there is no formal ceremony to help you do that whole closure thing, one generally imposes some personal ritual. however, my mind is a blank. how to mark the passing? i could have at least written a few thank you notes.
again, oh well.

but not "oh well." tomorrow is not a shrug my shoulders and then leave sort of day. i mean, let's be honest -- i've left school at a run almost every single day for two years. but, you see, i always knew i would be back. and tomorrow is obviously different. there is no going back. and so tomorrow, while i'm fairly certain that i'll still leave at a run, it will not be without looking back. not without looking back.

happy mother's day

this weekend, my sisters, our mother, and i drove up to college station. on the way back, the following conversation occurred:
(sister1, talking over the radio)
mom interjects: stop! stop! your words! they are too harsh! make them soft and gentle.
i smirk: yeah. soft and gentle. (exaggerated voice) like...butterfly kisses.
mom, not getting it: yes yes! like butterfly kisses!
(pause)
sister2 deadpans from the passenger seat: yeah (she turns to face sister1) pollinate me.
mom, still not getting it: yes yes! so beautiful!

backlog

so, i have about 10 things to say...something about my mother and her obsession with oatmeal, something else about fiction and its relationship to truth. the twisted tendon in my right foot, my mother who is going to have surgery...blah blah...my grandfather who just had surgery.

but it's just too much.

denying denial

today, i ate 3 fortune cookies in a row. they read:
1. Be content with your lot. One cannot be first in everything.
2. You will make many changes before settling down happily.
and
3. This is a prosperous time in life for you.

it's like being stuck in an 80's movie. but instead of the mechanical genie in the abandoned telephone booth or the snaggle-toothed witch at the town carnival or the floating cube in the magic 8 ball, i'm the chinese chick with the fortune cookie hang-up. it doesn't get better than this.

i think that i'm sad...haven't been able to breathe for a week, even though (refer to fortune 3) all is well. there are three weeks of school left, and i'm going to berkeley. but i'm sad. so sad. what gives?

illogical

JoieTang: it's funny
JoieTang: i'm trying to figure out how, for this coming summer, i've been invited to go on trips to guatemala, africa, and france
JoieTang: but am choosing to stay in houston