pseudo-intellectual-ism

while talking about gnataxela's study abroad plans:

JoieTang: i want to go to spain
JoieTang: take me!
gnataxela: weigh 70 pounds and i will
JoieTang: so, i have to lose about 50
JoieTang: interesting
gnataxela: yes
gnataxela: easy cheese
JoieTang: easy as pie
JoieTang: wait, don't say pie
JoieTang: and don't say cheese
gnataxela: haha
JoieTang: it would be cheaper (than buying a plane ticket) if i lost 50 lbs
JoieTang: it would just mean starvation
JoieTang: starvation saves alot of money
gnataxela: it does
gnataxela: unless something bad happens in between
JoieTang: like death?
JoieTang: yeah, i know
JoieTang: death is expensive
gnataxela: not for you though
gnataxela: only for your loved ones
gnataxela: and, it is also fairly emotionally painless for you
gnataxela: well, i imagine
gnataxela: do angels mourn?
JoieTang: that's a good question
JoieTang: i'll keep you posted
gnataxela: okay thanks

my little sister has a cute bum

just in case any of you wanted to know.

gnataxela: are you doing better? mommy said you had no voice
JoieTang: i still have no voice. i'm taking tomorrow off, because of it
gnataxela: yay personal days
JoieTang: i think it's my last one. i'm sort of upset about it, because i actually want to go to school, but if i don't rest my voice, i don't think it's going to get better anytime soon
JoieTang: i've been raspy for about a week and a half now, already. and it's starting to move into my chest
gnataxela: that's like my ankle. but i keep running on it.
JoieTang: i know, because you just don't want to stop
gnataxela: it's too fun!
JoieTang: it's so hard for me not to talk
gnataxela: yes yes i bet
JoieTang: were you here, i would give you the "Heeeeyyyyy" smack
JoieTang: on your shoulder i think
JoieTang: though your bum is also fun
gnataxela: my bum is fun
JoieTang: we know
JoieTang: try not to let it talk to my bum
JoieTang: it gets jealous
gnataxela: fair enough

quotes of the weekend

"I'm an alzheimer's patient in training." -- Lee HS teacher

"Well, call me the next time you have PMS." -- Man who wanted to go to the Chocolate Bar

if only it were this easy in real life

ever since i won a teacher vs. student hula hoop competition at the school's homecoming pep rally, random kids at school have been like, "hey, are you that teacher with the hula hoop?" it's pretty sweet.

brain scraps

and for everyone who has asked: alvin ailey is a modern dance company founded by said alvin ailey. he created a work in the 1960's called revelations, which has become a classic of american dance because it was the first modern dance work to use images and music from black church-goers of the time. he passed away in 1989, but his artistic director, judith jamison, keeps the company in good health.
and don't i sound like a playbill? you know, it's funny that i know these things. it's not like i ever had a conversation about alvin ailey. i don't think anyone ever told me about alvin ailey. it sort of feels the same way kids in my family learn about sex -- one day, you just know.

i woke up this morning with the thought in my mind that i would like to become famous, which i thought was odd, and then i followed my dream back a bit, and realized i was thinking about maitland. maitland is a boy i met in taiwan. he was this tiny, skinny thing with a full beard from the bay area. and he, even though he didn't know me from eve, from the first day, would take me riding on his motorcycle, just around and around taipei. he never introduced me to any of his friends, or his girlfriend, and i didn't have any friends to introduce to him (ha). i've also never even said his name to anyone, not for the year and a half i've been home from taiwan.
he always told me that his name was the scottish word for marsh. i think the dream was that if i were famous, maitland and i would find each other again. and i would say, "hey look. i'm alright." and he would say, "yeah. hey, let's go the art museum." and i would hop onto his bike, like before, and we would go. i'd have to become famous, because i only ever had his taiwan cell phone number, and that's just not going to work.

two words

alvin ailey.
alvin ailey alvin ailey alvin ailey.

i don't think it gets better than this. i think i can die now.

lee high school homecoming

we play soccer during homecoming. i love it. it's not necessary for me to understand a single thing about the sport to know when my boys are playing their hearts out. and they were, they so were. and they lost, they so lost.
i have much to say, but even more to plan. in short, i was proud of lee high school that day. there was rain blowing in a not-so-thin mist across the field, and it had poured just before the game. so, the field was flooded, and the air was heavy with water, in ways that only a houstonian can understand. the resulting damp was in our clothes, soaking through our shoes. but still, the stands were full, of dancing, cussing kids. and they sang their profane cheers from beginning to end.

go lee.

might have something to do with

here's thinking that forgiveness is probably along the lines of seeing myself with kindness. it's very dr. phil, but i'm going with it.

when you know it's your fault

i have a friend i call wad. as a friend, she's the real deal. she's one of those friends who comes over to help you take care of your crap and then listens to it as well. and then, when you screw up your face and say, "i love you, dude" or something even cheesier, she says it back. what's more, you believe her, and you don't believe she's doing you a favor either.
i need those people.

waddie told me today that i am too hard on myself, because i was bemoaning my ineffectiveness as a teacher. but listen, i don't think i'm too hard on myself. i think that i know exactly what i need to do, and that i either can't or don't do it. either way, it seems inexcusable.
in the background, i have the tv on, so i won't feel so alone. 7th heaven is on the wb. i usually hate 7th heaven. but today, it has just made me cry. because what's on today? today, it's about the music teacher, who's filling in for detention, and he's playing gershwin, and he asks some kid about the composer, and she knew the answer. and that answer turned into a week-long socratic-style lecture/discussion about the place of music in society and how literature, music, and history intersect, a discussion in which students were so engaged that they went to detention on purpose, just so that they could listen to this man talk.
it's fake, this world. people think that this is what teaching is. it's not; it's so not. this is what's easy about teaching. being inspiring is easy. creating the desire to do something with no immediate rewards is hard. teaching someone to read or to take a test or to write complete sentences; this is hard.
i am not too hard on myself. my job is hard; i have to be hard on myself.

but i do want to know how to forgive myself. how does that work?

and by the way

Jowithani: hey mama
JoieTang: hey baby
Jowithani: how are you?
JoieTang: i am purposefully eating too much and wasting my morning, because my doctor said i was too fat. and this is my way of telling him to screw himself.
Jowithani: hee hee hee
Jowithani: you know, the logical reaction would be to go to the gym. but no. we are girls. we will show them with ice cream.

i am indeed a creature of reason.

men carrying purses

so, last night i was hanging out with a friend. we shall call him d. we spontaneously went to dinner, and then i ended up going to church with him. it was a completely unplanned evening, and it was good times.
now, at the end of the service, i, d, and another friend (l), were all standing next to a pillar and making small talk. apparently l and d have a running joke about men carrying purses. d had once seen a man carrying a white and red HISD tote over his shoulder and said to l, "I don't think I could ever do that." and what has since ensued is l finding ways to convince d that he would look great, great carrying one of her purses.
so, we're standing there. we're joined by another friend (l2), and after a moment, i realize that it's 3 women, banded together for the sole purpose of teasing and relentlessly trying to dress-up our male counterpart as a woman.
and my thought was, "we never do grow up, do we?" and then i watched as l2 sneaked her bag onto d's arm, while d sort of put up a fight. ha.