in chinese, emotions are edible

this thanksgiving, my mom is in taiwan. and, while she did not call, she did leave her three girls a TWENTY POUND turkey bird.
we discovered this on wednesday when my youngest sister emerged from the garage, cradling the massive animal in her arms. as she lobbed its frozen bulk into the sink, i inched up to it in awe. the message in the turkey's mountainous breasts was clear.
clearly, our mother loves us.

up for adoption

Those who know me know that i'm prone to passionate but tangential conversation on topics that have little to no pertinence to real life. In this AIM exchange, we somehow started in on my hips.
JoieTang: my hips
JoieTang: are certainly entities unto themselves
JoieTang: i should probably name them
Raging Aardvark: harness their power.
JoieTang: helga
JoieTang: elga
Raging Aardvark: which is which?
JoieTang: helga n' elga
JoieTang: my new year's resolution
JoieTang: is to find them new homes
Raging Aardvark: you could post up flyers
JoieTang: i could
Raging Aardvark: "two asian hips in need of good homes. well-behaved. potty-trained."

chivalry lives

during 4th period, when everando guzman threatened to beat up another student on my behalf, i felt that my life had not been completely wasted.

religion on toast

jay taylor on religion
"I see this world as one, giant, aggrandized self-improvement facility."

idle thoughts

i sometimes worry that i live a virtual existence. something about watching a day from my window instead of walking into it. something about walking into school when the sun is coming out and leaving when the sun has already set; something about my relationships becoming more and more dependent on phone calls rather than physical contact. i think it's just an aberration of my personality--this sort of thought. but, yes. sometimes. i think like this.

shame

i admit it.
i bought a loaf of low-carb bread.
it was disgusting.

note to self

when microwaved, tollhouse cookies do NOT melt.
they catch fire.

AIM amuses me

one of my cousin's cohorts regularly sleeps on our miraculous, microfiber couch.
JoieTang: the cohorts practically live here
gnataxela: cool
JoieTang: yes
JoieTang: the one who sleeps here fluffs couch cushions now
JoieTang: because i am so anal
JoieTang: i yelled at him about how my couch was always wrinkled because of him
gnataxela: awesome
JoieTang: i know
JoieTang: i'm like
JoieTang: weird
gnataxela: cool
gnataxela: is it exciting?
JoieTang: which part?
JoieTang: the couch?
JoieTang: certainly
i've also chased this one around the kitchen table, wielding a spoon.
may all guests know such bliss.

pu tao

jose wanted me to teach him how to say the word "grape" in chinese.
so, i told him.
pu tao.
again, miss.
pu tao.
again miss!
pu tao, jose. pu tao.
turns out "pu tao" sounds like "pussy" in Spanish.
little perv.

an aryan update

in the above title, does "aryan" become an adjective?
the burning questions of an english teacher.

as related in the world of AIM--
Raging Aardvark: by the nine hells. how do you deal with the affections of a 15 year old boy?
JoieTang: by the nine hells. i like that.
JoieTang: i largely ignore it.
Raging Aardvark: and hope that it goes away?
JoieTang: luckily, he got a haircut, no longer looks like a young, misplaced elvis, seems more comfortable with himself and appears to no longer need me. at least, not as fervently.